Our little Willowgrace was a complete surprise. The day after suspected conception I woke up KNOWING something was different. I sprung out of my bed, with my heart pumping, and headed to the school I was working at. If you know me I HATE mornings and to get dressed, head out the door and be at work early, was literally impossible. My best friend was on opening shift and I just had to tell her. I bursted through the doors and said I'm probably pregnant. Her being the supporting best friend that she is was like mmhhh 100% you’re preggers. As the rest of my co-workers trickled in I shared my feelings of excitement and shock. All of them were so excited for me and couldn't wait to hear more. Is it a boy or girl, how far along are you? As the questions rolled in I was like “Wait hold up, I said I'm PROBABLY pregnant. I haven't gotten a positive pregnancy test yet.” Their eyes rolled and they told me to come to them when I had those two pink lines in tow. 

That day there was a whisper in the air about a new cold going around. Because of this new covid, we would possibly be switching our classrooms to an online platform for a few weeks. MY naive self thought SWEETTTT VACAYYY. The next few weeks were a whirlwind of emotions. Toilet paper was out of stock, the grocery shelves were bare, Covid was starting to seem like a zombie apocalypse and I was spending a minimum of a million dollars a week on pregnancy tests. Eventually, I was relieved of my teaching position because I refused to go teach in-person with Covid and a POSSIBLE pregnancy. They were like girl, you’re crazy, you're not even pregnant yet, BYE. I was heartbroken, this was my first ever lead teaching position and I had fallen in love with my pre-K students and their parents.  But I just had this indescribable feeling. 

At this point, I had nothing but this “feeling” to prove. I had a million negative pregnancy tests, my YouTube recommendations were all ttc related and my own husband told me I had to stop testing and I probably wasn't pregnant. My mom being the psycho that she is was completely convinced I was indeed pregnant. She sent me a boy and a girl onesie just because she wanted it on record that she knew even before I did. 

My husband and I were headed out for a quick car date to get out of the house and he had promised me I could take ONE more test before our date. I knew this was my last chance to get a positive pregnancy test so, like the gross desperate woman I was, I literally saved my first-morning pee in a plastic bag and shoved it in my purse. I know, literally so gross. We bought the tests and I went straight into the CVS bathroom. My husband and I each had one test staring at us for the full 5 min wait. At this point, I was thinking I really was crazy. I looked down at my test and thought I really did have a double line but I had thought that before so I didn't say anything. I just kept peeking at the other test, rationalizing my thoughts. Then it happened my WITHOUT A DOUBT positive test!  

I couldn’t wait to see my beautiful baby! Then reality set in, no dads in the hospital, no clinics were taking new patients, my husband was getting discharged from the Marines in 2 weeks and our insurance was going to run out,  insurance companies were rejecting me left and right and I had lost my job. Luckily we had felt this huge pressure to save as much as we could for the year leading up to all of this. Thank you, Jesus. That’s when we decided to sell everything that couldn't fit in our car and move out to Texas, the land of the free baby!

I found a birth center and fell in love with the environment. They let Alex be present at every appointment and never dismissed the possibility of having my mother and sister present for my birth. I was sold, after all, I loved natural births and always wanted to have one, so the answer was clear. No cold, Covid hospital rooms and blank white walls for me!

Everything was going to turn out just fine.

Until my sister called me with the news of a huge freaking tumor.