My sister called me and told me about this HUGE tumor she had and how she obviously couldn't make it to my birth because she was too busy trying to literally stay alive. The birth center at the time was not allowing photographers and honestly, we did not have a single extra penny to spend on a birth photographer even if they did. My plan B was to have my sister document my birth since she was going to be an extra hand anyways. Well, that plan went out the window, but at least I still had my mom!

All this to say, my mom now had to help my sister with her surgery and healing. The plan was, she would leave and head to me as soon as my sister was healed enough to function alone. As the days went by, I realized my mom would probably miss my birth also.  At this point I was rock solid, nothing was going to knock me down, my full faith was in Jesus and my goal was a happy healthy baby regardless of the situation. Then my husband got covid. As he was isolated alone in our apartment, I went to live with my brother's family for 10 days and prayed I hadn't contracted it. 

A couple weeks after that, comfortable in my home, on December 14th I went to bed with that same knowing feeling I had before we found out about our girl. I knew I needed some good rest because this baby was coming soon. Late that night I was woken up by intense contractions.

Alex was working nights in the Covid hall at the time and had only accumulated 4 vacation days. I had it in my mind that I would labor alone until I absolutely needed him so we could use our vacation days for postpartum needs. I called my mom and labored alone for 3 hours. My dog would not leave my side and my mom was dying to help but didn’t make it in time. I held off on telling Alex how intense my contractions were because I didn't want him to rush home for me to be in labor for another 20 hours. Finally, I texted Alex he should come home and that I was progressing. A long 30 minutes later, he walked through the door, threw his scrubs in the wash, washed the Covid hall off, and sanitized everything. At this point I was hysterical, he was finally home and I let my guard down, I couldn't calm down for some time. In hindsight, I was deep in transition and had NO IDEA.

An hour later my bag of water popped! My husband quickly called the midwife. This was our first time contacting her AT ALL during my labor. Remember, I barely told him I was in labor not so long ago. Then on the phone, I say “I NEED TO PUSH!” My midwife told him to get me to the birth center soon but also knew, according to him I hadn't been in labor very long. So no one really knew how far along I was except ME! I was ready to have that baby in my own bed! I didn’t think I could even make it down the three flights of stairs. I felt her moving down and mustered up every last moment of strength to walk out that door. I had one contraction on the stairs but made sure to be very quiet because I didn't want to wake anyone up. On the 5 min drive to the birth center, I had a HUGE contraction. My worst one yet, I was trying to hold everything in so I wouldn't have my baby in the car on the short drive over. Through my screams, my husband had the audacity to say “let's pray” at the stoplight, no less. I about knocked him right out but I needed a driver to get me to the birth center so he was spared. 

As we parked and my midwife burst through the door waving at us to come in. And I was like ‘girl, Wheres my gurney? Wheelchair, anything?!’ But just like all the times before I took a deep breath and mustered the strength to get out. As we were walking in I was thinking “oh no, what if I'm just a big baby and I'm only 2cm and she’s just going to send me home.” So I, no joke, got on the bed and wouldn’t open my legs for her to check me! I just kept saying no, no, no. Finally, everyone convinced me to let her check how far along I was. Boom. Her eyes widened and she said, “Alex we’re having this baby right now.”  Minutes later our Willowgrace was born. She was given right to me and latched immediately. I felt INVINCIBLE. My ears rang, everything was moving in slow motion, and the feeling of joy covered every inch of my soul. You best believe I was high on oxytocin, like REALLY HIGH.

And at that moment, I finally understood what I had photographed all this time. THAT MOMENT. One of the best moments someone will ever encounter. That is why I do what I do. So that feeling can forever live on through a simple photograph. My husband and I were forced to lean on each other fully. It was the biggest blessing in disguise. And THE single most special moment of our lives.

I so wish I had some way to look back on my labor, but words and memories will do for now.